a different end to lent this year

after agonizing for so long, i never found something to give up for lent this year. i really should have kicked facebook to the curb for 40 days. talk about procrastination.

however.

we did have an enjoyable easter potluck.

the sun was out...

there was lots of yummy food...



and fabulous friends.

i'm pretty sure this is what communion is supposed to be--the breaking of bread together, the telling of stories in good company, the sharing of anxieties and issues--and yes, the usual gossip about the profs.

lovely day.

easter always makes me feel like a robot.

it's good friday. and i don't feel anything. i don't think i ever have.

part of me always wants to know what's wrong with me. did i not pray enough? do i not love God enough? did i not know how to open up my heart enough, be vulnerable enough, to feel the conviction of the cross? what is wrong with me?

but i have that tiny little spark of hope that keeps me carrying on. i know in my heart that i am where i'm supposed to be. i can't really explain it in words. but who can, really, explain their soul? it's a frustrating, lonely road i feel like i'm on. but at least i feel at peace with myself. even if the old me would say i'm a robot. 16-year old dani, please stop judging me.

wistful thinking

i can't stop thinking about how much i just want to stop.

school has officially overrun my life.

and all i want to do now is sit on the north courtyard at my parents' house on a crisp morning with a cup of coffee and write.

i miss writing my thoughts. a lot. and now i feel i have so much to process here after being in ithaca--but my brain is continually being filled, filled, filled. and i don't wanna read about gentrification anymore. and as much as i care about democracy in the favelas of rio, i just cannot fathom writing eight inspired pages about it by thursday.

give me peace or give me....anything. anything but school right now.

you can find me on may 14 after 11:30am at gimme coffee on state street. with my latte. and my journal. and a smile.