oh, HELL no

just found the inspiration i need to kick ass on the paper i'm currently writing:

http://rawstory.com/2009/11/beck-yapping-palin-kitchen/

this was a way too upsetting reminder of all the times i was told by my male peers that my "place" was in the kitchen, growing up.

while i have a lot of issues with palin, i have absolutely no tolerance for this type of male chauvinistic behavior.

i swear, if i see a beck book at christmas, i'll throw it in the fireplace.

good god, how i love emerson

I've had to read some of the essays of Ralph Waldo Emerson for my American Political Thought class. This guy puts to words ideas that I've been thinking about for years. He's completely provocative but completely natural, all at once. I'm positive I'll be reading him until the day I die.

"Prayer that craves particular commodity, anything less than all good, is vicious. Prayer is the contemplation of the facts of life from the highest point of view. It is the soliloquy of a beholding and jubilant soul."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Circles"

autumn. today. glorious.

i told scott today that from now on, i will be depressed every october. why? because i live in the most splendid place on earth to enjoy autumn.

we started here to enjoy lattes while getting some work done with leah. they just finished renovating it and the new layout blew my socks off. i mean, a whole other room with tables and cushy booths, shielded from the noise of the espresso bar? happiness.

and then we went here.

and we got this stuff.

and then we sat here for awhile and enjoyed life.

then we decided to go to here to do some browsing. we spent 60 cents.

i hope whatever city we land in next will be as delightful as this one.

neon colors, leaving on jet planes and whatnot

so....school has sequestered my attention already.

and so has traveling! i feel like i am on the road lots.

i was just in montreal. they like neon colors. so do i. that's where the photo above was taken. arcade fire's "neon bible" album makes much more sense now.

we also were in the adirondacks last weekend. good times learning how to start fires. scotty and i (being the city people that we are) watched a you tube video before we left on "how to start a campfire". yep. we are an embarrassment to many of our family and friends.

and next up on the tour of north america:

washington dc (conference)
fresno (research)
nyc (with corey and lissa!)
catskills (thanksgiving)
and then back to california (christmas)

with more probable trips to dc and california to follow into the spring...

oh boy oh boy.

sample first day conversation

me: hey, it's great to see you again.
person: yeah, same here. did you know your eyes are all red? are you on drugs? dani, i've told you those things aren't good for you...
me: yes, i'm aware. allergic conjunctivitis. caused by pollen, ragweed, etc. not drugs.
person: ewwww, get away! (while jumping a step backwards)
me: not contagious. hence the allergic.
person: well you look really bad.
me: thanks.
person: you should wear your sunglasses indoors today.
me: yeah. (putting sunglasses on)
person: you look funny.
me: thanks.

and, repeat.

new semester, new personality

in reconvening with my school friends yesterday--which was oh-so-glorious (more on the CRP love fest later), unsurprisingly, the conversation stumbled into how the next semester would be treating us. we've been through the emotional rollercoasters, breakdowns and neurotic fits of rage and bouts of hilarious laughter for no explainable reason, and we bonded through it all. but what is to come of the next 3 1/2 months of our lives?

my first semester, i was happy social girl. onto one party and then off to the next. i loved school and thrived.

into the second, i stressed myself into a pit of despair. five tough classes, ta'ing for an extremely demanding prof, design competition, and writing a proposal for my internship which still has yet to end. oh and maintaining a relationship with scotty? yeah. you could say i cried.

summer i was overwhelmed. struck by everything nyc had to offer and confused about where i ended up in life. not sure i had ever experienced a feeling people call 'loneliness' and not sure how to handle it once said 'emotion' was identified. got a slight obsession with soft serve and gilmore girls.

and fall? it's my favorite season, hands down. i'm predicting OCD mode. i've got a thesis to write, which means many many hours on my own schedule. i've got a few more activities to juggle, and i'm striving for a more balanced life. iCal is already my best friend. i've got six different calendars with six different to-do lists....and counting. it's a brilliant application. i'm going to have almost every hour of the day accounted for...that includes eating, sleeping, and chill time. it's like what i used to do as a child. no really, at age 9, this is what my daily schedule looked like:

6:00am Wake Up
6:05am Take Bath (we didn't have a shower)
6:25am Brush Hair
6:30am Blow-dry Hair
6:45am Curl Hair
6:55am Eat Breakfast
7:10am Pack Backpack
7:20am Make Bed
7:30am Get Bus To School

and then somewhere between then and now i became a person who hasn't made her bed in like three years. the word rebellious my mom might deem too much of an understatement.

so here's to hoping i won't rebel against my attempt to become my 9-year-old self again.

food for thought

"A 'change in heart' is in fact the alibi of people who do not wish to endanger the status quo."

George Orwell, in reference to Charles Dickens' ability to provide harsh social commentary on the Victorian era without renouncing the entire system of tyranny

(to understand the context more, read this article about To Kill A Mockingbird)

chew away.

bookshelves

okay, really. you know that whenever you go to someone's house often times you find yourself wandering over to their bookshelf to judge explore their book collection. i know i certainly do. but it's just so much fun, because the books people own can say a whole lot about who they are--their personality, their interests, their guilty pleasures (in my case...john grisham. eek. i said it.)

scotty and i have an extremely eclectic book collection. it's not like we have everything from proust to homer (which neither of us own). but. we both come from fairly religious households and cultural backgrounds that are at times starkly different than the world in which we now live. which is pretty academic and full of smarties. i think that our bookshelf is a good analogy for our the current state of our relationship. full of contradictions and often uneasy with the other.

noticing that friends often make a beeline for my bookshelf when they came over, i decided to make it entertainment. i strategically placed the communist manifesto next to the bible and darwin's writings next to 'the case for faith' (author who devoutly argues for Creationism). i'm not sure if anyone even noticed it or got a laugh but it was hilarious to me just to know it was there.

scotty has been reading a ton of theology books this last year, and those are heavily represented on our bookshelf. we are in different places as far as our theology goes right now, and he gallantly offered to put his books on the bottom shelf, or in a totally different place to spare some potentially awkward conversations with my friends about my faith. at first i was relieved--i mean come on, i'm not exactly a john piper fan or a calvinist.

but really? i decided not to care. we are who we are. in that spirit, i rearranged yet again, in my favorite organizing system: color coding. looks nice doesn't it?



i like how it turned out. yes, now people can see our copy of investing for dummies out in the open, but damn, that bookshelf looks cute. i may have left a few funny juxtapositions for laughs when i get desparate for comedic relief--oh freud, how did you make it next to love and respect? hehehe.

Merchar aka Mom

My mom is awesome. I just got off the phone with her. We talked for almost 4 hours. At home it is standard to sit on the "north courtyard" at my parents' house with either a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and discuss life with her for hours.

She likes to analyze you and herself. She is full of contradictions and I let her know that all of the time. She is the reason I am me in so many ways. She encourages me to be a feminist even though she is not one. She is inwardly feisty yet extremely, annoyingly, self-deprecatingly meek and humble. She encourages me to question things that she cannot or will not herself. She knows the importance of coming to your own conclusions and not accepting things at face value. She questions many things about herself--although irritating at times, it has shown me the importance of openness and honesty about yourself, maybe to a fault. She is infamous for her probing questions.

Sometimes her naivete about the world is a little shocking for someone of her age and intelligence. But then she will text you and sign off with 'lol' and you wonder if she really is that naive about the world and pop culture or if she just feigns innocence for the fun of it. She doesn't like to be called a closet liberal despite her views on foreign policy and the war because she voted for Bush twice and really likes Sarah Palin (I don't believe it, but I'll respect her wishes begrudgingly.)

Most people really like my mom. In high school my sisters and I had some friends that would come over just to hang out with her instead of us. Maybe because they really needed a good therapy session and she will analyze you without you even realizing it. People who don't like my mom are just shallow and don't get her and it's really too bad because I think she is often misunderstood. Possibly because she's so full of contradictions that you have to get to know her to take it all in and appreciate the confusion for what it is and not try to fit her into some silly box that you've contrived.

We call her Merchar and I have no clue why. But that's just our family. The original Merchar was actually a siamese cat we had for like 15 years, Milo. Most pets of ours usually start with one name and end with a completely different one. That's mostly Monique's doing. Just ask her what her latest name is for her husband. Or don't ask, if you don't like hearing peoples' pet names for each other. Yvette doesn't really. Nevertheless, we call my mom Merchar respectfully and lovingly and her license plate is even 'MERCHAR'. So if you ever drive by my mom just honk and wave and she will probably freak out that a stranger just did that (even if she knows you, her vision is horrible and she won't recognize you) and she'll then try to analyze later why some random person on the freeway would do such a thing.

I love my mom.

friday morning treat!

so, i woke up this morning after a glorious 8.5 hours of sleep to catch up for the last 5 days

(i've been going to sleep past 3am every night this week...damn final projects)

and i realized, i need coffee!

but (shocker) i don't know how to make coffee with our machine

and then i realized i could always go here

except i've already given them so much of my money its crazy

but then i realized i had this!



oh happy day!

Things I Like: First Edition

I like randomness. Always have, always will. So in the spirit of procrastination, with it being study week and all and me having ten million papers, projects, maps, posters, presentations, and finals due, here's what is actually on my mind right now:

1) Broccoli. Steamed. Yummy.


2) Kate Nash--the track Mouthwash, specifically.

3) Google Public Data. This is going to revolutionize the world. Transparent data, finally!

That's all for now. Back to economics for now!

a different end to lent this year

after agonizing for so long, i never found something to give up for lent this year. i really should have kicked facebook to the curb for 40 days. talk about procrastination.

however.

we did have an enjoyable easter potluck.

the sun was out...

there was lots of yummy food...



and fabulous friends.

i'm pretty sure this is what communion is supposed to be--the breaking of bread together, the telling of stories in good company, the sharing of anxieties and issues--and yes, the usual gossip about the profs.

lovely day.

easter always makes me feel like a robot.

it's good friday. and i don't feel anything. i don't think i ever have.

part of me always wants to know what's wrong with me. did i not pray enough? do i not love God enough? did i not know how to open up my heart enough, be vulnerable enough, to feel the conviction of the cross? what is wrong with me?

but i have that tiny little spark of hope that keeps me carrying on. i know in my heart that i am where i'm supposed to be. i can't really explain it in words. but who can, really, explain their soul? it's a frustrating, lonely road i feel like i'm on. but at least i feel at peace with myself. even if the old me would say i'm a robot. 16-year old dani, please stop judging me.

wistful thinking

i can't stop thinking about how much i just want to stop.

school has officially overrun my life.

and all i want to do now is sit on the north courtyard at my parents' house on a crisp morning with a cup of coffee and write.

i miss writing my thoughts. a lot. and now i feel i have so much to process here after being in ithaca--but my brain is continually being filled, filled, filled. and i don't wanna read about gentrification anymore. and as much as i care about democracy in the favelas of rio, i just cannot fathom writing eight inspired pages about it by thursday.

give me peace or give me....anything. anything but school right now.

you can find me on may 14 after 11:30am at gimme coffee on state street. with my latte. and my journal. and a smile.

Economic Crisis, how I loathe thee....(why must you take my favorite things!)

I seriously lived for the day this magazine came in the mail every month. I would set aside a full hour, have my snack of choice, be home alone, and revel in all of the design wonderfulness and creativity that was to be found in Domino. Now, this is no more. I am officially depressed.

At least the New York Times cares:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/garden/05domino.html

Well, although I will have more free time, I will have lost all of my design sense. Great. Back to boring as toast decor.

The walk home from school

This is my time to think, catch up with people, bitch about school with friends, etc. My mom is always curious about what it looks like because I almost always have something to say (i.e. the first leaf color change, the first snow, the first time I thought the wind felt like knives against my face) regarding the weather. Living over here in the northeast has made me a weather channel fiend. Love it. So anyhow, here is a photo of my walk home everyday, taken on a nice Thursday afternoon this week where it was actually -1 F outside. But beautiful.

On another note, I start school tomorrow, as well as the ULI (Urban Land Institute) Design Competition, which should be pretty intense. Two weeks of staying in the basement working on concepts and designs. Yay. And, I already have homework due before going to class. I guess it's really just to read Obama's urban policy proposals and then write about it, so not too shabby. Well, back at it, I guess. I am anxious. Very.

January is Cold and the Sun is Shining in Ithaca

This week has been different but I like it. Since returning to Ithaca last Thursday night (scary drive home in the snow, we ran into a snow bank after slipping around on the interstate!) I've had more time than normal to get my life in order. So I've been biding my time until school starts next week by purging the apartment of stuff and dirt, organizing, cooking, and catching up with the steady stream of people trickling back into town. I could almost get used to this life. Almost...

It's nice to be lazy, but I think I would drive myself crazy thinking too much, and wasting too much time getting addicted to television shows that I don't really care about (i.e. Weeds, which I've almost finished the 2nd season in two days.) But I've discovered that making butternut squash soup is really yummy and that Pandora is the best internet radio ever, and I have contemplated some theology questions I've had lately--debating which book to read this week: Christianity and the Social Crisis (Walter Rauschenbusch), The Great Divorce (CS Lewis) or The Art of Loving (Erich Fromm). I feel like I have to finish one, because once school starts I can say goodbye to reading for fun until May.

But this is what real winter is like! I actually love that it is 5 degrees and sunny outside, forcing me to stay in and curl up on the couch and read and cook soups and make our studio more homey, and play board games at night. A friend the other night said that we Californians don't play board games well because we don't have winter. Au contraire! Scotty and I play a mean game of Sequence and we are mustering our skills on Scrabble. So challenge us all you want, eskimos of the northeast.

Well back to life here. It is really great to be back. I actually missed Ithaca. I think California is still home, but not my parents' house, not Kingsburg really, and I don't know about Fresno. I loved seeing everyone, but I am really content with life here in Ithaca. I know Scotty is dying to be back in California, but I could stay here for at least a few more years. Maybe because the winter doldrums haven't come, or I haven't experienced -20 degrees yet. Which I will this week. Yippee.