a different end to lent this year

after agonizing for so long, i never found something to give up for lent this year. i really should have kicked facebook to the curb for 40 days. talk about procrastination.

however.

we did have an enjoyable easter potluck.

the sun was out...

there was lots of yummy food...



and fabulous friends.

i'm pretty sure this is what communion is supposed to be--the breaking of bread together, the telling of stories in good company, the sharing of anxieties and issues--and yes, the usual gossip about the profs.

lovely day.

easter always makes me feel like a robot.

it's good friday. and i don't feel anything. i don't think i ever have.

part of me always wants to know what's wrong with me. did i not pray enough? do i not love God enough? did i not know how to open up my heart enough, be vulnerable enough, to feel the conviction of the cross? what is wrong with me?

but i have that tiny little spark of hope that keeps me carrying on. i know in my heart that i am where i'm supposed to be. i can't really explain it in words. but who can, really, explain their soul? it's a frustrating, lonely road i feel like i'm on. but at least i feel at peace with myself. even if the old me would say i'm a robot. 16-year old dani, please stop judging me.

wistful thinking

i can't stop thinking about how much i just want to stop.

school has officially overrun my life.

and all i want to do now is sit on the north courtyard at my parents' house on a crisp morning with a cup of coffee and write.

i miss writing my thoughts. a lot. and now i feel i have so much to process here after being in ithaca--but my brain is continually being filled, filled, filled. and i don't wanna read about gentrification anymore. and as much as i care about democracy in the favelas of rio, i just cannot fathom writing eight inspired pages about it by thursday.

give me peace or give me....anything. anything but school right now.

you can find me on may 14 after 11:30am at gimme coffee on state street. with my latte. and my journal. and a smile.

Economic Crisis, how I loathe thee....(why must you take my favorite things!)

I seriously lived for the day this magazine came in the mail every month. I would set aside a full hour, have my snack of choice, be home alone, and revel in all of the design wonderfulness and creativity that was to be found in Domino. Now, this is no more. I am officially depressed.

At least the New York Times cares:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/garden/05domino.html

Well, although I will have more free time, I will have lost all of my design sense. Great. Back to boring as toast decor.

The walk home from school

This is my time to think, catch up with people, bitch about school with friends, etc. My mom is always curious about what it looks like because I almost always have something to say (i.e. the first leaf color change, the first snow, the first time I thought the wind felt like knives against my face) regarding the weather. Living over here in the northeast has made me a weather channel fiend. Love it. So anyhow, here is a photo of my walk home everyday, taken on a nice Thursday afternoon this week where it was actually -1 F outside. But beautiful.

On another note, I start school tomorrow, as well as the ULI (Urban Land Institute) Design Competition, which should be pretty intense. Two weeks of staying in the basement working on concepts and designs. Yay. And, I already have homework due before going to class. I guess it's really just to read Obama's urban policy proposals and then write about it, so not too shabby. Well, back at it, I guess. I am anxious. Very.

January is Cold and the Sun is Shining in Ithaca

This week has been different but I like it. Since returning to Ithaca last Thursday night (scary drive home in the snow, we ran into a snow bank after slipping around on the interstate!) I've had more time than normal to get my life in order. So I've been biding my time until school starts next week by purging the apartment of stuff and dirt, organizing, cooking, and catching up with the steady stream of people trickling back into town. I could almost get used to this life. Almost...

It's nice to be lazy, but I think I would drive myself crazy thinking too much, and wasting too much time getting addicted to television shows that I don't really care about (i.e. Weeds, which I've almost finished the 2nd season in two days.) But I've discovered that making butternut squash soup is really yummy and that Pandora is the best internet radio ever, and I have contemplated some theology questions I've had lately--debating which book to read this week: Christianity and the Social Crisis (Walter Rauschenbusch), The Great Divorce (CS Lewis) or The Art of Loving (Erich Fromm). I feel like I have to finish one, because once school starts I can say goodbye to reading for fun until May.

But this is what real winter is like! I actually love that it is 5 degrees and sunny outside, forcing me to stay in and curl up on the couch and read and cook soups and make our studio more homey, and play board games at night. A friend the other night said that we Californians don't play board games well because we don't have winter. Au contraire! Scotty and I play a mean game of Sequence and we are mustering our skills on Scrabble. So challenge us all you want, eskimos of the northeast.

Well back to life here. It is really great to be back. I actually missed Ithaca. I think California is still home, but not my parents' house, not Kingsburg really, and I don't know about Fresno. I loved seeing everyone, but I am really content with life here in Ithaca. I know Scotty is dying to be back in California, but I could stay here for at least a few more years. Maybe because the winter doldrums haven't come, or I haven't experienced -20 degrees yet. Which I will this week. Yippee.

Hello, Fall and Winter!

So...life has been a little busy. I completely forgot about the blog in the insanity of school.

But I'm back! I think the number one thing I am learning in graduate school is time management. Well, maybe not the first thing, but it's necessary for survival here...and I've been in survival mode for the past month.

Now that Scott is working full-time as a preschool teacher and part-time at the co-op grocery store, and everything in my classes is starting to snowball, we feel like we are always running around and trying to see each other for a little bit every day. Crazy!

But, life is good--before everything hit the fan we snuck in a little trip to Toronto and to Niagara Falls in September. Then last month I got to go to Washington, D.C for a class field trip for a few days. And in just over 3 weeks we will be flying home for Thanksgiving and Corey and Lissa's wedding! Time flies.

That's the update, more or less on our lives. We're still finding time to socialize--with our neighbors across the hallway in our apartment building and with friends of mine in the department. Everyone loves a good party here so we are struggling to find this little thing you might call balance. I'm hearing the motto at Cornell is 'work hard, play hard' and I find that to be very true.

On a weather note, fall is amazing and I will post pictures of the gloriousness around here, but it snowed last week!! Actual snow. It didn't really stick to the ground though, although it will soon.

I miss everyone dearly! Yesterday I was listening to Switchfoot, which always reminds me of California for some reason, and it really made me nostalgic for my old life. I really already feel like a different person, which is somewhat strange for both Scotty and I as we are trying to figure out our identity here in a new place where no one knew us before. It's a really awkward time that we are trying to navigate and although it is tumultuous we somehow are getting through each day.

But it all comes back to balance. Maybe someday we'll figure it out. For now we just have to get to Thanksgiving alive and not completely overworked.